How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize