five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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