my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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