You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize