The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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