If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
