Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
