too bad you live with your parents still
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
