So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
