yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dick has a subreddit
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize