I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
