Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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