I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
