I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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