Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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