My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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