I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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