You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize