my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
