Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
