When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize