As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
