Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
