Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
