after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
