You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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