If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize