Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
