96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
