I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize