All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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