If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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