butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
