I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i now understand why vodka
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
