remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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