i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize