DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
