my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
