Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
