I wish I only lived at night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize