Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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