...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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