Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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