it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
