...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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