Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
