Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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