In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
