He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
