Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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