oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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