i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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