I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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