Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
