absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
