Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
