I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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