when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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