guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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