Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
