Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
