it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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