I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
