so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
