You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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