1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
