please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
