my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
