it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
