dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
