Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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