dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
