Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
