dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
