So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
