The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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