The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
