But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
