...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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