I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
