Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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