my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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