Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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