He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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