So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
