Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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