So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
