would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
