So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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