My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
