Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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