dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
