What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
