reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
