I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
