paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
