yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
