god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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