There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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