When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
