Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
