i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
