well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize