i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
