Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize