He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
