Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
