fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
