Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
