I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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