she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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