A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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