Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
