Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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