I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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