she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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