god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
