Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize