she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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