had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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