How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
